Dry Drunk In Love
I am a dry drunk in love.
Have you ever known a dry drunk? You know the alcoholic who is in recovery and yet still acts like an addict? Well, that’s me… I am in love and still acting like a wounded insecure girl. Damn men, we fall, they hurt us, we move on.. get therapy… feel like we are ready to do this again. Stronger, wiser, we know ourselves better. Then out of the blue we fall back into those “dry drunk” habits. The insecurity creeps in, we make up stories of unfaithfulness in our minds, we doubt how fucking awesome we actually are. Well, that’s me right now. I have met the most wonderful man, and I am doing everything in my power to talk myself out of it.
At first, I decided that a long distance relationship wouldn’t work for me. I was leaving him at the airport for our first goodbye, and cried so much, you would have thought my mother had died… again. It was so embarrassing that I actually wore my sunglasses in the airport and on the plane. Ironically, I have always judged people who wear their sunglasses indoors. I will never do this again- they are probably crying like a baby, leaving the love of their life and don’t know when the next time they will see them. Next, I decided to talk myself out of it because I am not sure if he is still dating other women. I know, I know I said he is the love of my life, and he is… I am just waiting for him to say the same thing to me in return. Just to be clear, I haven’t told him I love him, that’s just between you and I. Finally, every time we text, I tell myself, was he short with me? Am I annoying him? Why would he want me?
Dear God!!!!!!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me? Can you relate? I know I am a catch! I believe in myself. I am a strong woman, who kicks ass and takes names… yet when it comes to love… I am an insecure little bitch. Today it stops. If he doesn’t recognize I am amazing, that is on him. I can’t make him fall in love with me. He either will or he won’t. As my wise friend Tammy keeps reminding me, in every relationship you have two choices… it will work, or it won’t. So why do I keep expecting for every guy to be the guy? Why can’t I just enjoy the damn ride and embrace getting to know someone wonderful? Can you relate to anything I’ve just shared? Feel free to comment below.
Peace Out,
Momchelle
